Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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