mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
