I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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