this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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