It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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