Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
