no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize