I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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