I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
