I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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