am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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