i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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