So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize