Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
