I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
