that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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