why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
