I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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