Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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