I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
