fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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