i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
