did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
