tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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