So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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