If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
