totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
