so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
