he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Your cock deserves a montage
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
