It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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