Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
