a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
