and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
