girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
