Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
