oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
