Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
