WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize