She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
