ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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