We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
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bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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