So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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