oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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