I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Im part way to drunk.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
