Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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