theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
