I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
