i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
