We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
