did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
