did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
