if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
