Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
