Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
