i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
