So drunk, too bad you don't want this
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
