is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
