Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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