just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
