I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
