Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
