the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
