It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Girls should come with a carfax report
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
