Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
