I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
