Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The air was thick with penises
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
