Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
