Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
