Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
