i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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