Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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