I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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