had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
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Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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