just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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